He Kindly Stopped for Me
“Please sir. It’s raining, and I am very cold.”
“I see no clouds. The sun, to me, is shining.”
“But still, it rains. I can feel its dampness.”
“I can’t argue that. Come on in then. I’ve a long way to go, and little company to share it with.”
“What takes you out this way, so far away from everything?”
“I used to own a boat, but now no one thinks to travel in boats.”
“Are you a tour guide?”
“Quite the opposite, actually.”
“Where are we?”
“You are back on the road three days ago; that is when the rains fell.”
“But that puzzles me still. Why would you stop for a man who was not there, who complained of a cold he could not have possibly felt?”
“Ah, but you see that is because this is not a car, and nor am I its driver.”
“And I . . . I’m still wet, and very cold . . .”
Edmund Siderius
Road Kill
“You want to tell me what happened?”
“What?”
“Your car . . . Did you have an accident?”
“I must have dozed off.”
“Good thing I came along. This is one of the loneliest stretches in America. Sometimes it’s hours, even days, before another car passes by.”
“Yeah . . . Good thing.”
“So what happened? Did you fall asleep? A deer jump out of the trees and spook you? There was this time I came across this guy who ran head long into this massive buck. I found him, wheels up in the ditch. The deer’s antlers became one with the guy’s head. It wasn’t pretty I can tell you.”
“Damn.”
“Then there was a night when this hitchhiker got dragged down the road. One minute he’s standing there with his thumb in the air, the next some rig’s using him as a speed bump. Not that he slowed the truck down much.”
“Good God.”
“Well, I don’t know about that, but I do know this. It was all my boss could do to piece that hitcher back together. I never did find all the bits and bobs, and the damn thing has never walked right. Hit and runs are the worst raw material, because they’re so . . . you know . . . raw.”
“What?”
“It’s so rare to find someone still walking and talking out here. The boss will be ecstatic to finally have a live one to work on. Personally, I’m hoping he replaces Mr. Antler Head’s face. That thing is just disgusting.”
DanielC
“I never pick up hitchhikers, one can never be too careful nowadays. But you look to be fairly harmless and it is snowing like the Dickens out there.”
“Thank you for that. Can you open a window or put the air-conditioning on? I am so warm, practically burning up!”
“What? You can’t be serious. You had to be freezing your ass off out there, it is close to single digit temperatures and you aren’t even wearing a coat.”
“Look, some guy bit me back at the bar. I stopped the bleeding but it may be infected or something. I just don’t feel right; can you take me to the hospital in Brigham?”
“Oh shit, you didn’t stop the bleeding! You are getting it all over my seats! Jesus Christ, a man did that? He took off a quarter of your bicep!”
“Yes . . . I was outside getting a smoke since that fucking law was passed . . . no more smoking at the . . . bar. He snuck up . . . from behind me . . . when I saw him . . . he looked . . . skin was sloughing off of . . . his face.”
“Hey stay with me! I am taking you for help. You are bleeding very badly, try and keep pressure on it. Keep taking deep breaths; it could prevent you from going into shock.”
“It hurts . . . I just want to sleep. Do you mind . . . if I sleep?”
“Yes I mind! I picked you up the least you can do is not die in my fucking car! God dammit, the one time I pick someone up something like this happens.”
“I saw things, amazing things! There were fires, so many fires . . . so bright . . . so warm. My skin still burns from it all.”
“Hey! You fell asleep you bitch, all I asked was for you to stay awake, I thought you died. We are almost at the hospital; you are paying for whoever I find to clean up the mess you made in here!”
“The hospital will be good. There are a lot of people at the hospital, a lot of food at the hospital. Look at me, other than being really hungry don’t I look much better?”
“Oh . . . my God . . .”
macready
We Deliver
“Did you get it?”
“What kind of dumb ass question is that?!? Would I have been standin’ out here, freezing my ass off if I didn’t? What a fuckin’ moron!”
“Such language.”
“You don’t like it, then shut up and drive. It’ll be hell to pay if I’m late.”
“Hmmm . . . So what was it like in there?”
“You’re so damn curious, maybe you should go next time and I’ll do the driving. What a fuckin’ idiot.”
“It’s just that I keep hearing about them and what they can do. I was wondering what it was like being up close and personal with them.”
“If you’re up close and personal with ’em then you’re dinner. Did they just let you out of a special ed class or something?!? No intelligent person wants to see one those things up close. The only reason I’m still around and kickin’ is because I avoid ’em. And when I get this where it needs to be, every last one of ’em will be history.”
“But I keep hearing that they’re nothing like we might have heard. The change might be bit painful at first, but after that nothing but bliss.”
“Where the hell do you hear that crap?!? BLISS!?! Good Lord, Rainman’s drivin’ this car. You get this job because you’re definitely an excellent driver? Life as one of those things is unending hell. Or maybe you think eating your neighbors is just another lifestyle choice.”
“But how would you know if you’ve never seen one, let alone talked to one? Anyway . . . it’s just that . . . I need to tell you . . .”
“Tell me what, Rainman?!? Right now, I just want you to do two things. One: Drive. Two: Shut the fuck up. Why, the hell, are you slowing down?”
“Well . . . it’s just that . . . they want it back and I’m definitely feeling a bit peckish.”
DanielC
‘You again! I thought I’d seen the last of you. Where to this time?’
‘You know the drill, buddy boy. We go where the girls are.’
‘How many is it now? Ten? Eleven?’
‘Twelve according to the papers. But in fact only ten. We have ourselves a copycat.’
‘Why do we keep doing this?’
‘I do it because I like doing it. You do it because I make you.’
‘I haven’t slept properly in weeks.’
‘That’s what you get for screwing up. Perhaps next time you try killing yourself, you’ll do a better job.’
‘I ought to turn you in.’
‘And be stuck in a cell with me for the rest of your life? I don’t think you’d enjoy that.’
‘Maybe they can cure me. There must be a drug that can make you go away.’
‘I seriously doubt it, buddy boy. Now are we going hunting or what?’
‘Fine. But this time I get to choose the girl.’
chiefdalek
“Need a lift?”
“Yes, thanks. You can drop me off at the next town . . . is that where you’re headed?”
“I am now.”
“Oh . . . do you mind if I turn the heat on?”
“Please, make yourself comfortable, warm up your tissue.”
“Excuse me, did you say tissue?”
“There’s one in the back, if you need to wipe off your hands.”
“My hands . . . oh my god, is that blood?”
“Sure looks like it.”
“Who the fuck are you? Stop the car. I’ll walk from here.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t stop now.”
“I have a knife.”
“So do I.”
Erin Cole
Mr. Friendly
“Thank you for stopping, it’s freezing out there!”
“It’s the devil’s own weather out there, son. Buckle up and we’ll get going. Where are you headed?”
“Can I turn the heat up? Thanks. How far are you going?”
“First, I’m going where you’re headed, and if you don’t tell me, I’m going about ten feet and letting you out.”
“What if I’m going to Juneau?”
“What if you quit giving me smartmouth and tell me where you’re going?”
“Alright. Why don’t you give me your money right now then, and save me ten miles, asshole?”
“I don’t think so.”
“This gun here says differently.”
“There now. You see what happened? I told you to buckle up. I told’im Jesus. I tried, lord. I tried to be good. You saw me. You know I tried. He started it. It’s his fault lord. Forgive me lord. This one last time. Forgive this poor sinner.”
“Oh. Oh fuck . . . my head . . . Who are you talking to? Oh fuck. NO! Oh god please NO! HELP! HELP ME!! Don’t! Oh god please DON’T!!!”
“What a FRIEND we have in JEEEEEESUS. All our SINS and GRIEFS to BEAR”
“. . .”
Chris Allinotte
As Sure As Eggs Is Eggs.
“Thanks for stopping, Mister.”
“What are you doing out here in the woods by yourself at this time of night, kid? Where are your parents? And what happened to your clothes?”
“I am looking for my sister, Katy-Taty. She has gone missing.”
“Where did you last see her? Maybe I can help you look.”
“She was down there by the lake and she walked into the mist and she just dog-gone disappeared.”
“How long ago was this?”
“About two days. Katy-Taty has never been gone this long before and I am scared, Mister. There are sounds out there that scare me bad. I think the bad things killed her dead.”
“Two days? My god, kid, no wonder you look like hell. Look, get in the car and I will help you search.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Mister. I think there is something out there and it has taken Katy-Taty. And, as sure as eggs is eggs, the same thing will happen to you and you will end up as dead as she is.”
“Don’t you worry about that, I am an adult and can take care of myself.”
“Are you sure, Mister, because you don’t look that . . . did you hear that? Oh my god, I think the bad thing has found us . . .”
“What in the blue hell is that?”
“That, Mister, best I can tell, is Katy-Taty and she ain’t dead no more. Which is more than I can say for you. Thanks for stopping, Mister . . .”
Paul Phillips
Rites of Passage
“Hello Jamie. Was there a problem?”
“Hi, Colonel Arkham, sorry I kept you. Mom wanted me to clean my room. You know how it is . . .”
“No problem, Jamie. Do your seatbelt up, son . . . Your Mom’s a good woman and she’s right. An orderly mind is important. The Army taught me that. Did you remember everything this time?”
“Yep. Hockey mask, cane knife, plastic bags, baling wire, duct tape, pliers, box cutters and a hacksaw. Oh, and a change of clothes, after last time. And, hey, the Department issued my Dad a new Taser, so I borrowed it. He’s away, so he won’t know. Hee hee, it goes up to ‘fry’!”
“Outstanding! That’ll make those co-eds squeal. Good thinking, Jamie, shows initiative. Oh, have a look under your seat, I bought you a present.”
“Whoa! Damn, that is one beautiful knife—wow, it’s a Buck Alpha! Look at that blade . . . What’s this bit on the end?”
“That’s called a ‘gut hook’. It’s so you can skin and section your kill without accidentally paunching it and tainting the pure, young meat. I’ll show you how to use it.”
“Cool. Crystal Lake, here we come. I can’t wait to start hunting. Are we gonna have a fry-up again?”
“I thought it might be time to try something a little more primal. Something a bit closer to what Nature intended.”
“You mean, we’re gonna eat them raw, Colonel?”
“I was thinking of, you know, still twitching, if you get my drift . . . I like to start with the tongue.”
“Damn! I always wanted to eat out a co-ed. This is gonna be great. How can I repay you for teaching me all this stuff, Colonel?”
“We’ll think of something, son. Maybe something Nature didn’t intend . . . And from now on, you can call me Mike.”
Ian Rochford
“You pulled over.”
“Said I would.”
“What about yesterday?”
“Can’t stop every day.”
“But today isn’t one of those days?”
“You’re in the car . . . You’re a corpse, and you’re in the car.”
“I’m not sure if I’m dead. I still have thoughts, dreams. Not many, but you’re in them.”
“Should get me out of them. Take a rest. Rest.”
“The dreams, they twist and bend and wrinkle like cinematic stills in eager hands. Sometimes you’re crouched over me with the knife. Sometimes you’re combing my hair, like you did. Kiss me.”
“Always with the touching, the licking, the damn intimacy. You’re rotting. Flesh is peeling, soggy. You don’t understand.”
“I understand my memories are vivid but limited, and I know where they come from. I understand this is hard . . . . I can’t feel much anymore. Maybe you should suck on my ear. Do you understand that? Do you understand you picked me up?”
“I’m trying to figure out how I can kill you again. For good.”
“You say things that could be hurtful, but I’m not sure they are. You might have to bite me. I think I could feel that.”
Matt Athanasiou
“Oh my God Officer, what’s happened to your face . . .”
“No time for stories, I’m commandeering this vehicle. Slide over!”
“Ouch! Give me a second, there’s a shifter in my ass! Whoa, SLOW DOWN!”
[Officer line missing. —FH]
Seriously what happened to your face? It looks like . . . claw marks.”
“Don’t touch me again! I told you I don’t have time for fucking stories . . . besides we’re coming up on your answer anyway.”
“Is that . . .”
“Yeah.”
“It’s not moving. Jesus Christ It’s running toward us!”
“Buckle in Ma’am, this is going to hurt.”
“GOD! It hit us like a freight train.”
“I’m wheeling around, I think it hurt itself more than us, it’s limping!”
“No wait! It’s turning back toward us. SHIT look at those claws!”
“aggggggh!”
Brian K. Ladd [Twitter]
Maximum Exposure
“Come on, son! Get in before you get yourself killed!”
“Oh my g-god, sir, you’re the best. The best. I can’t tell you how much I a-appreciate you stopping like that, especially with me . . .”
“No need to explain. It’s just lucky I saw you in the dark and the snow. There’s a sweater in the back seat you can put on. It’s pretty small, but—”
“Oh, after running out there for 20 minutes with nothing on but my skin, anything’s good. And don’t worry, I’m not far - corner of Wills and Sheppard. You just turn right up here, and . . .”
“Huh, guess I missed it. Listen, could you check my wallet in the glove box? I need to make sure I’ve got cash for gas on the way home.”
“Sure thing . . . oh.”
“Sorry, didn’t catch that. Did you mean ‘oh you have money for gas, or ‘oh you happen to have a photo of a woman in your wallet I’ve been fucking since October?’”
“Look, sir—”
“You’re the one who should be looking. If you’d looked over your shoulder before you jumped out that window, you might have recognized me. If you’d really looked at that sweater, you might have recognized it—even with my wife’s blood on it.”
“What are you—Jesus, please slow down! Please! You’re going to kill us!”
“Oh, you don’t worry about me, son . . .”
“OH GOD I DON’T WANT TO DIE!!”
“. . . I’m the one with the seat belt that works.”
Stephen Hill
Management Issues
“Jesus, honey, this is one gorgeous ride. What exactly is it that you do, anyway?”
“I guess you’d call it middle management, if you were being charitable.”
“Middle management, huh? Damn. I mean if this is the middle, I’d like to see what upper management drives.”
“Oh, once you’re senior enough, others do the driving for you.”
“Well, tell you what baby—you’re the one in the boss’s seat tonight. However, I gotta be clear on my end. So, massage is 50, oral’s 75, and if you wanna have it all—”
“Pardon me Sharon, but here is my counteroffer: you stay silent for the duration of the trip, and your suffering will only commence once we’re through the gates.”
“Who the hell are you? How did you know my—”
“As with any good business, in the pit we keep a close eye on every contract.”
“Please, no! I’m not ready! I never got what I wanted!”
“I see you’re ignoring my counteroffer. That means your suffering starts early I’m afraid…”
“What is that? No!”
“…then again, it always does.”
“Keep it awaaaaay!”
Stephen Hill
Ineligible Staff Entry
“Hofpiddal.”
“Jeeezus, what happened here? Don’t try to move, I’ll get my phone.”
“Mo. Mo phome. Hofpiddal.”
“You need serious help, buddy. I’m calling an ambulance.”
”Mo phome! Ergh . . .”
“You’re not thinking straight, okay? Just stay calm.”
“Jush gimme rye, bleez. Mo amb’limsh. Mo phome.”
“Wait a second, there’s other people over there!”
“Mo! Leabem lome!”
“They’re EMTs? What the . . . well where’s their ambulance?”
“No! We gah go! GO! Blee-hee-heez . . .”
“Ah, okay. It’s gonna be all right, pal. Here comes one with lights flashing. I don’t like the way he’s driving, though.”
“Mo! Mo-ho-ho! Bleez mizda. You gah gill me. Gill me vass an dem you rum.”
JJ Burke
Up Front
‘Do you mind if I sit up front? I hate riding in the back.’
‘It’s your money. Long as you don’t mind pets.’
‘It’s not a snake or a spider is it?; I can’t stand creepy crawlies.’
‘Nope. You won’t even know it’s there.’
‘So what is it then? and where is it?’
‘It’s not important.’
‘Hey, it’s important to me. Like you said it’s my money. What if I get bitten or something?’
‘It don’t bite.’
‘Look mate just tell me what it is OK?’
‘It don’t have a name. It don’t bite. It don’t hurt.’
‘What are you . . . Christ where are my fucking legs!’
‘But it does swallow.’
‘No!’
Mark Tomlinson
Plaything
“Come on now. In with you. Violet sky’s looking to be mighty unfriendly.”
“Can you get me to a hospital?”
“I can get you anywhere. What’s your rush? You look sturdy enough.”
“My ankle.”
“That’s some lump. Thing’s big as an apple, dark as my beard.”
“Truck ran me off the road while I was jogging. I can hardly walk. Please hurry. I’ve—”
“Don’t jerk away from him. Just entice him more.”
“The hell was that?”
“My boy. He’s investigating you, figuring you out. He’s a curious child.”
“There’s no one in here. You—It pinched my side!”
“Told you not to get all herky-jerky.”
“Get it off me.”
“I’ve no control over him. He thinks you’re playing now. Boy has no sense of boundaries. Hope he don’t snap your neck too. Running out of places to store his playmates. Just sit still.”
Matt Athanasiou
Join the Family
“Hop in. Raining knives out there. Almost didn’t see you.”
“Generous man. Bless you.”
“Windshield’s been fogging up. Thought you were a ghost. You can set your pack in the back.”
“Thank you. My family sits with me.”
“Your family?”
“Is always near. They insist. Look.”
“Hmm. Your family is a doll collection that you tote in your backpack. What is that? One, two, three, four—seven. Seven members. Quite the bunch.”
“Nine, me included. I could use a brother-in-law. Interested? You only need to die, offer your spirit.”
“Take your hands off me. Get the fuck off. Out. Out of the damn car. Now!”
“I apologize. A polite soul such as yourself, I thought you would appreciate family. I carry mine in my pack, but you have none to speak of. No photos tucked in your wallet, hung on your apartment walls.”
“Move your ass out of the car!”
“I am sincerely sorry. May you find peace. As my family has.”
“Loon. Flippin’ guy’s jacked upstairs. Stalker . . . Damn it. He dropped a doll. Hurr. Can’t reach it. It’s jammed under the brake, stuck in my shoelace . . . Was that a horn? The ditch!”
Matt Athanasiou
The Wrong Car at the Right Time
“Hey thanks for stopping. I hardly expected to see anyone out here tonight.”
“Uh huh.”
“Mind if I turn up the heat a little? It's damn chilly out there.”
“Go ahead.”
“Thanks. So . . . How far are you going?”
“Just as far as that tree.”
“Beg your pardon?”
“That tree.”
“The tree? What's so special . . . Ah, why are you speeding up?”
“To make it quick.”
“What? What are you . . . Oh no way man. No way, you have to let me out.”
“It's too late now.”
“Oh man, you have to stop. What are you doing? You have to let me out. Why is the door locked? Let me out! Stop! Let me the fuck out of here! STOP! NO! STOP! ARRGHHH!”
Raymond Gates
A Blessed Event
“Please, just drive. A little faster, could you?”
“Now listen here missy, the town’s a ways off yet, no sense in exhausting the horses before we get there.”
“Sir, I do not wish to be rude, but it is imperative that I get to my sister’s before sundown. I fear there is grave danger.”
“Now, what’s this about? Who’s your sister?”
“Marilyn Weis, her husband owns the butchers shop. Or, at least he did.”
“The Widow Weis is your sister? Now that’s a tragedy, her husband getting murdered while she’s in such a, uh, delicate condition. I suppose you’re visiting to help with the baby?”
“Help. Yes. Now please, we must hurry.”
“Oh, uh, is it that time? Should I stop to get the midwife? Her cabin isn’t much out of the way—”
“No. That really won’t be necessary. But please, I implore you, if I don’t get to her by sundown more tragedy will occur.”
“Of course, of course. You really think she’s in danger?”
“I assure you, she is. And if I don’t get to her before sun down, everyone else will be.”
“You, uh, you do know they caught the man who killed her husband. Hung him just yesterday.”
“Oh, did they now?”
L. Kristine Ebinger
From Echo comment system
“You wouldn’t believe how many cars have passed me by.”
“No problem. Shut the door.”
“Okay, I er . . . hey, why have you locked it?”
“These windows are tinted, love. No-one can see us.”
“What the fuck? Hey! Stop it. Get off me!”
“Don’t struggle and maybe I won’t cut you up after.”
“You don’t know what you’re doing!”
“Ha, ha. I think I’ve got a pretty good idea sugar tits.”
“I thought I could get to the cage in time, but stress always brings it on more quickly. Let me out!”
“No chance, let’s see those babies.”
“Oi! That was my best blouse. It’s been ages since I ripped my clothes.”
“Hey, you’ve got a fucking hairy chest! What are you?”
“You’re one fucker I don’t mind showing personally . . . . argh!”
Barry J. Northern
“I’m going as far as Talbot, that any use to you?”
“That’s perfect, thanks.”
“Now it’s a fucked up, creepy-ass world we’re livin’ in and I hate to ask, but I need to be sure. Ya carryin’ a weapon?”
“No way, look, see.”
“Had to be sure, didn’t fancy getting’ shanked or shot, ya know what I mean?”
“Yeah, of course, it’s fine. I’m lucky to have gotten picked up at all.”
“There is that. I am curious though.”
“About?”
“Whether you’re a spitter, or a swallower?”
“What?”
“See, I like to get my cock sucked, these long hauls they frustrate the fuck outta me, always have done.”
“Is that a gun? Look, Mister, I ain’t gay!”
“Me neither, nor were the others. I used to de-stress other ways but the cops work harder at finding missing girls. Now I want you to start lollipopping it real slow.”
Lee Hughes
El Dorado by Night
“Thanks for the lift. I used to have an El Dorado just like this.”
“Not likely. This one’s special.”
“Oh yeah, huh? Well, I’ll be taking it along with your money. Pull the fucking car over.”
“My mother always said you should be polite to strangers.”
“Hey, what the fuck is that? Oh my god!”
“You’re just in shock. Don’t try to move. The ends are barbed. You could pull yourself off with an incredible effort, but your guts would probably come loose with it. Best to just sit tight back there.”
“Please, mister . . . .AAARrrrgh.”
“Oh, now I get the politeness.”
“You twisted fuck!”
“Turn up the radio? Okay . . . here.”
“I take it by your silence that you are also a fan of Twisted Sister.”
“FUCK YOUR MOTHER!”
“Also not likely. She’s been riding in the trunk with us all along.”
Mark A. Crittenden
Wandering Squamata
“You’re soaked! I’ll turn the heater up. There we go. That feels nice, don’t it? So, where are you headed?”
“Wandering squamata.”
“That’s a weird thing to say . . . Bobby. Is that your name? I see it there on your name badge. Are you coming or going to a convention?”
“Wandering squamata.”
“What is squamata anyway? And why the heck do you keep saying that? Not much of talker are ya?”
“Wandering squamata.”
“Oh my gosh! What is that up ahead? Do you see, Bobby? Are those people? Why would they be on the back roads at this time of night?”
“Wandering squamata.”
“No way! Look at that, Bobby. They are forming a blockade of some sort. This is starting to freak me out. We’re turning around.”
“Wandering squamata.”
“The brakes! The brakes are locked, Bobby- the steering wheel is too! We are going to hit them. Hit them dead on—and look at that guy, there in the middle. He doesn’t look human. Heck, Bobby—he’s a lizard with human legs. Hot damn! They all are!”
“Wandering squamata.”
“The car stopped. Lock your door and get down here with me, Bobby. It just licked my window! Did you see that, Bobby? It just licked my window and it’s ripping off the door! Ouch! It’s got my leg, Bobby—help me! It’s pulling me out. Help me! Help me—”
Jodi MacArthur
“Did you do it?”
“You know I did.”
“How did it make you feel?”
“I’m not sure. Guilty, I suppose . . . evil, even.”
“We are not evil. We should not feel guilt.”
“You sound like you’re reading that from a cue-card.”
“This was your first. I have despatched billions. I have taken away their pain and released them from the anchor of their mortality. Since the dawn of Time, I have set them free.”
“But she was so young; she had so much life left to live.”
“She did not. Tonight was her time.”
“But that’s not fair.”
“It is not your decision to make, any more than it is mine. You will get used to it.”
“What happens if I don’t?”
“Then I must find another apprentice. Come—we have much work to do.”
Kevin G. Bufton
Make Me A Sandwitch
“Hey, you need a ride?”
“Oh, please! I appreciate the ride, my feet are killing me.”
“You don’t look dressed for walking ma’am if you know what I mean.”
“That rat bastard made me ruin my new heels.”
“I can see that, who’s the rat bastard?”
“My soon to be ex-boyfriend, that’s who. He dropped me off a few miles back and told me to walk home. The asshole, leaves me out in the middle of nowhere, can you believe that?”
“Well that sucks, honey. I’m going to meet a few friends at the diner up the road- is that gonna be okay?”
“Yeah, I have a friend I can call when I get there to pick me up. I’m just so tired and it’s been a long day. I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to rest my eyes for a few minutes.”
“Uh . . . hey . . . we’re here, let me help you out. You look simply delicious- by the way, I hope you don’t mind me saying.”
“Jimmy, it’s ’bout time! Well, whadda ya got there?”
“Hey Marcus, go tell the boys to get the grill ready, I picked up a little supper on the way.”
“Ouch! Let me go, you’re hurting me! Don’t touch me there- what do you mean supper?”
“Don’t worry honey, you’re gonna taste mighty fine between two slices of rye, topped with tomato, onion, lettuce and a little bit of spicy mustard.”
Nicole E. Hirschi
“Hop in. Watch the locks though, they’re broken . . . kinda sharp.”
“Thanks. You’re a life saver. I just need to get to the nearest gas station. By the way, nice truck. Very ummm, ‘retro’.”
“It’s okay, gets the job done. Rides nice don’tcha think. Just picked her up. Been pickin up a lot of stuff lately.”
“Yeah, good stuff? Hopefully with better locks though. HaHa.”
“Ha, I like to think so, eye of the beholder and all that. Not sure ’xactly what happened to the locks, but I don’t need ’em really, not in my line of work anyway.”
“Oh, what do you do?”
“So what’s someone like you doin hitchikin out here in the middle of the night, all dressed up but lookin like ya just seen a ghost? Didn’t your mamma teach you it aint safe?”
“Yeah. I was a little nervous but it was this, or walk the next few miles in these ridiculous heels, long story that I won’t bore you with. Walking actually seemed more terrifying to tell ya the truth. And I was fairly frightened when you stopped, that line about the locks . . . nice, I’m sure the cause of that ‘ghost face’ you noticed. But then I saw the baby in the back there and thought, ‘okay this guy’s legit’.”
“There’s a baby back there!? Just kidding. Hahahah . . . Came with the truck. Ha . . . .”
“Ha . . . Ha . . . funny . . . that . . . is . . . your . . . baby, right?”
“It’s in the truck isn’t it?”
“Yeah, but so am I . . .”
“Yes. Yes you are . . .”
Charlie Rhodes
Prophetic Bullets
“Hop in . . . It’s cold out.”
“Huh? Oh, thanks mister, but . . . uh . . . how did you know I wanted to call a taxi? . . . And what’s with the all the creepy gypsy decor? Isn’t there a limitation on those sorts of things? Is this even a cab? Why isn’t it all yellow? And why’re you crying? And—”
“Just get in.”
“What if I don’t want to, huh? Ever think of that? Ever think of women’s rights? Ever think of male macho-ism? Ever think of—oh God please, is that a GUN? Oh God, oh God, oh God, no, what’d I even do to you mister? Please, I’m innocent. What the hell—”
“It’s . . . It’s your Son.”
“M-my son? But I’m only twenty-three! I don’t have a son, are you mad? Maybe you have the wrong person! Yeah, that’s right! Now stop waving that gun at me, PLEASE, I don’t deserve this! Oh God, oh God, oh God . . .”
“I know, but your Son . . . He’s . . . Oh the horrible things He’s going to do to this world . . .”
“What? You’re not making any sense! I told you already I –“
“All that rain, and fire, and blood, and death . . . God, I can’t even sleep at night knowing what I’ve seen . . . What He’ll DO to this world. I can’t . . .”
“Look, mister, maybe you need help, alright? Hehe, yeah, just a little bit of water to cool off, right? Nothing serious, you’re just a little tired from all that cabbing! Yes, right! C’mon, let’s get you something to—”
“No, my mind’s made up. I don’t care what happens to me after this, knowing . . . knowing what I have saved us all from.”
“Saved us? Saved us from WHAT? Look, mister, I’ve had it up to here with your stupid prophetic garbage. Is that even a real gun? Crazy coked up hippie! Who are you to threaten someone like me? Scared me half to death! Do you even know who my husband is? He’s a very powerful man you know!”
“Yes, I know Him. Send Him my regards, yes?”
Jerico F. Espinas
One Way Ticket
“Hey, where’re you heading?”
“As far as you’re going . . . .”
“I’m just going to the next village, about six miles if that’ll do you?”
“Yeah, that’d be great.”
“Ok, pass me your backpack kid.”
“No, that’s ok.”
“Please yourself. Hey where are your gloves? You must have dropped them.”
“No, I didn’t have any gloves.”
“Sure you did, I saw them when you flagged me down back there. Dark gloves they were . . .”
“No sir, you’re mistaken.”
“I’d bet my life on it that you had gloves on. I’m losing my eyesight as well as my mind.”
“You shouldn’t have bet your life on it mister. This is what you saw . . . you lose.”
“What the . . . is that . . . that’s someone’s hand. Now son, what you doing with that knife . . . no . . . no . . . oh dear God . . . pleeease . . . sweet Jesus . . . noooooooo . . .”
David Barber
Crossley Sports Two Litre
“Jump in.”
“Thanks awfully for stopping, old fruit. Really thought I had no hope. I say, what a simply spiffing car!”
“That’s very kind of you. Hope you don’t mind if we keep the top down, old chum.”
“No, no—by all means do. Isn’t this is a Crossley Sports?”
“Yes the two litre.”
“There aren’t so many about now we’re supposed to be in austere times.”
“No, true, but I have found it very difficult to give up this particular indulgence.”
“Well, it certainly has an impressive turn of speed. This reminds me . . .”
“Yes?”
“Wasn’t there a fatal accident involving one of these on this stretch about a year ago?”
“Now you mention it, I believe there was.”
“It was a tragedy. Both occupants killed.”
“Yes, it was awful. Particularly, for me.”
Lewis J Peters [Blog]
